Photo by John Thomas on Unsplash

Table of contents

1. Preface

2. Main Article

3. OMFS World

4. Stuff

Preface

🌸This week was spring break, so the kids were out of school, and I took a vacation as well.

👨‍👩‍👦‍👦On Sunday, super-grandparents took firstborn and secondborn to a resort until Friday. This gave my dear wife, thirdborn, and me, the opportunity to spend time together, just the three of us.

The last time we had just one baby was nine years ago, but back then, having a baby stressed us out. So now, as more experienced parents, reliving those moments was quite amusing.

We went to restaurants, tasted an assortment of Boston beers, watched a movie (at home 😃), and walked the Freedom Trail. 🤱Thirdborn played along. 👨‍🍼Mostly.

Another funny observation was society's reaction.

When it's just the two of us with a baby, people around us give sweet smiles that imply, "Oh, what a cute young family!"

However, when we're a tribe of five, the looks we get are more like, "You're going to make me regret sitting next to you in this restaurant, right?”

Actually, our kids are far quieter than most adults in these restaurants. But I guess these reactions are ingrained in our society.

And I'm pretty sure we gave the same looks before having kids 😅.

So let's keep analyzing society's reactions and dive into today's newsletter.

Have you ever noticed that whenever you fail, one of the first thoughts that comes to mind is: “What will others think?”

Why is that?

I'm glad you asked!

Enjoy #35!

"The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall."
— Nelson Mandela

Main Article

Storytime!

It's 2006.

🎒In the daytime, I'm a second-year dental student.

👨‍🏫At nighttime, I'm an SAT teacher.

Every day from 8 am to 4 pm, I was at the university, and from 4:30 pm to 11 pm, I worked as a teacher. 🏃

Scoring high grades in university wasn't a priority of mine.

I just wanted to pass.

During my first year, everything went smoothly. Even though the passing grade was 65, I managed to maintain an 84 average. Sweet! 😋

But then came the second year.

The first failure was neuroanatomy. 64.

The second blow was embryology. 63.

Histology was the final dagger. 62.

😱And to my horror, I was among the few who failed in my class.

How did I know? Back then, the secretary hung the list of grades on the wall 🗒️. There were no names on it, only ID numbers and grades. So I got to see my classmates’ grades.

I ranked really low.

I had to wait five months before retaking those tests. Five months of feeling like a failure 😔.

Every single day, I watched my classmates and wondered how smart they were and how stupid I was.

All I cared about was how I measured up to them and society.

And you know what else made me miserable?

I felt like no one was interested in hearing about my failure.

It seems that everyone is glad to hear a success story, but when it comes to failure, it becomes toxic 🥴. No one wants to be around it. Or at least, that's how it played in my mind 🤔.

In 2006, I felt I needed to live up to society's expectations.

So I retook the tests. The aim: please society with high numbers. I wasn't thinking about acquiring knowledge. All I cared about was the numbers.

I scored high. Really high. 96 in neuroanatomy, 97 in histology, and 98 in embryology.

These numbers made me feel great 😁.

Now is a good point to pause our storytime and reflect.

Why did these high numbers make me feel great? They may have looked impressive to society, but they meant nothing to my personal growth.

Unlike my earlier scores of 62, 63, and 64, which inspired me to acquire more knowledge, my 96, 97, and 98 taught me nothing 😶.

So how come when we fail, all we think about is: "What will others think of me?"

Well, the fear of being judged and rejected by society is rooted in our human nature. We NEED to be liked and accepted by others.

We NEED social validation.

👀 We seek approval from others to validate our self-worth. If we fail, we fear being perceived as less valuable.

And you know what the worst part is? This fear can be so intense that it can prevent us from trying!

However, the reality is different. You may think everyone is interested in your failure. Yet, everyone is actually focused on themselves and doesn't really care 🥱.

People have their own lives, their own problems, and their own failures to deal with 🧗‍♀️.

They are not as interested in our failures as we think they are.

"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."
— Thomas Edison

And then there are social media.

👨‍💻Oh, social media.

🙈Social media are a significant contributor to society's perception of failure.

Think about it: When did you last stumble on a failure story on social media?

I haven't seen many.

Social media promote success and rarely showcase failure stories.

👶The pressure to succeed intensifies even further when children are the audience. It creates unrealistic expectations and a belief that success is the only option.

What's the solution?

Well, it's hard to come by with an instant solution. But when it comes to failure, these are the three rules I live by:

🥱 1. Nobody cares.

Remember that people focus more on their own lives than yours. Most people aren't interested in your failures as much as you think.

💪 2. How you deal with failure is what counts.

By changing your perception of failure, you can learn to embrace it. Remember that failure is the beginning of a new journey. Success, on the other hand, is usually the end of it.

🗣️ 3. Share your failure stories.

When you share your failures with others, you'll be amazed at how much impact they can have. It will help you grow and inspire others to do the same.

Think about it next time you fail.

Happy failing!

"Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly."
— Robert F. Kennedy

OMFS World

👩‍🎓For the student

Don't beat yourself up for failing! It may take you a few years to realize, but failing can take you places success never will. Trust me, I've been in training for 20 years. If you'd like to read more about failing, check out issue #20 of my newsletter: “How I Failed, …and wouldn't change a thing.”

🥼For the OMFS resident

If you're interested in surviving residency with less stress and more productivity, consider signing up for my 7-day email course. The course covers tips and systems I developed during my 5-year residency. You can read about this course by following this link.

Stuff

💡Gear I use - Garmin Fenix 7x Sapphire Solar. My favorite sport watch 🏃, by far.

I wanted a watch with a touch screen, solar charging, and sapphire glass, and Garmin delivered. Durability is crucial for me, and sapphire glass makes all the difference. The watch has survived heavy metal objects slamming into it without a single scratch. Its sports functionality is highly customizable and functions independently of a phone link. Bluetooth headphone pairing is easy, and the battery life is insane (🔋it lasts 1 month!).

Highly recommended for sports enthusiasts.

Epilogue

That's it for this issue.

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Have a great weekend!

Shay